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Well lately I’ve not posted as you’ve noticed but there’s a reason for that.  This weekend has been an amazing weekend and I’ve not felt self concious once! NOT ONCE! I couldn’t believe it.

First there was the wedding of my ’second mother’ she’s my mums best friend and helped us grow up and she looked so lovely.  Hubs came to the wedding and the dinner but left me on my own for the reception which I didn’t mind that much.  I had such a blast!!!  I got so drunk and danced and partied and was even complimented on how pretty I was in this dress that you can see at the end of this post. 

Then I was blethering away with all the peoples that are going to Amsterdam and I was having geat fun and oh there is so much I want to say but can’t really!  I’m going wit this girl - Diary of a Sugar Addict and we’re goingto have such fun!  We’ve got plans to tour around the city most of the day and enjoy partying during the night, I think we’ll have some time to sleep in between lol although I wouldn’t count on it. 

This weekend has shown me that if I relax a little and stop being so damned paranoid bout myself then I actually can have fun and be confident and enjoy peoples company without worrying. It’s been a really good experience and I’m glad something positive can be said on the blog in relation to how I’m feeling with my weight.  Things just feel so damned good right now and I actually am looking forward to going with shopping with the Sugar Addict next week to get some nice sexy clothes for Amsterdam (cause we saved money on some show tickets we’re getting to spend it on clothes muahahaha)!

Crikey we have a new site design, gimme a wee while to get used to this lol, I imagine you lot will need a little while too, happy hunting…erm…yeah..good day lol

I liked this article this morning, it was actually a positive fat article, although not in the positive I wanted it to be but it’ll do.  This article had the following points;

Youngsters needed that fat to grow and thrive, they argued.

Over a third of a child’s energy intake should be made up of fat, the researchers at Pennsylvania State University said, a recommendation in line with UK requirements.

“Despite this, many parents and children restrict fat for health reasons,” they said. “Sufficient fat must be included in the diet for children to support normal growth and development.”

…

I think this research is absolutely right,” said board member Tam Fry. “Young children need more fat and energy for the whole purpose of growing and living.

“To give them low-fat and sugar-free products is a bad idea

God about time some sense was found in the news.  Ok kids burn so much more neergy than adults - they are growing and thriving all the time, it really doesn’t tak a rocket scientist to figure out that to do this they need more energy and fat from healthy foods gives them the right kind of energy they need.  When I say healthy foods I don’t mean low fat - I mean oily fish, chicken, wholegrain etc.  Not the low cal stuff we adults pick up as some of us are a bit lazy to cook from scratch - I’d be one of those although I am trying and experimenting in the kitchen (it’s not going that great so let’s not go there!).

So a nice little article to start of the day, this was the first one I came across so don’t be surprised if I end up posting another fat hate article later on…All it takes is time

I’m a super mood tonight cause wait for it, just wait for it..The kid went to bed at 7pm!!!!  For the first time in I don’t know how long I have the WHOLLLEEEEEE night to myself.  I know that has nothing whatsoever to do with being fat but she’s asleep and I get like loads of hours to myself, me, myself and I!!

On another superbly fantastic note I found a hotel for my Amsterdam trip next month!  It’s a kick ass 5 star in the centre thing with bell boys and stuff - I’m soooo looking forward to it.  A friend and I are going to rock the town…

Nothing new and exciting other than that but I mean a whole evening?!  Just to me! Oh my god I’m going to get to have a cup of tea and an oatcake in peace and quiet…Quiet! Oh lord thank you on this heavenly day…

ps.  she’s usually in bed around 9/10pm!

God yesterdays post didn’t make much sense but it did to me.  Anyhoo, I’m in a good mood today.  Went for a long, 2 hour walk this morning handing out some avon catalogues and stuff.  Made some weight pastry pie thing with mushrooms and tomatoes which turned out semi ok lol.  Checked out flights for my trip to Amsterdam next month which I am really looking forward to but the first thing that popped into my head when I thought about itwas that god I need to lose some weight before I go, I guess old habits die hard…  Other than that nothing much exciting happened other than taking the wee one to the park but then that’s not really that exciting is it!

They’d all be laughing at me now, saying ‘ha ha look at her’ now, even though I’m gone from there the rumours still keep doing the rounds.  The others would say horrible mean things behind my back, the other ones of them would just giggle in the corner.  I’d be a laugh, a joke pole, something to poke and prod at and giggle when I wibble wobble.  Super exciting, well not really, somewhat odd and scary more like.  Fun and such has escaped but no one really knows that yet.  They’d laugh their panties of and I’d sit in the corner and smile…Like before…

Ok so FoxyLady2Be was telling us how now that she’s lost the weight she’s buying more girly things, and by that she means that she’s now comfortable with herself to indulge in such niceties…

I’ve started window shopping for little tasty treats for my ears, my ankles and even my tootsies.  I’ve been looking at perfumes and make up to add to my pathetic litle collection - one eye liner, mascara, lip gloss, lipstick and foundation.  I own one perfume!  So does this mean I’m starting to accept myself and feel comfortable?  Does wanting nice things mean I’m happy to be fat?  I don’t think I’m happy yet, in my own skin I mean, but surely wanting pretty girly things is a start?  My thoughts wil dwell on this one and time will tell me thinks!

Oh god this one makes me giggle, I mean the sheer stupidity of it.  Heres a little excerpt from this article:

These results show what many have suspected for some time: obese people are not able to tell us what they actually eat,” said Professor Sheila Bingham who led the team from the Medical Research Council and University of Cambridge.

“If we are to tackle the scourge of obesity, both exercise and diet need to be taken into account.” …

“Although obese people may have a less active lifestyle than people of normal weight, reports about what they ate were less accurate than those from their normal weight counterparts.”

Dr Colin Waine of the National Obesity Forum said the tendency to under-report food intake among the overweight was a major problem for medical practitioners.

“Used sensitively, this test could be a great tool in helping patient and practitioner work out what’s going wrong and talk through what could be done about it.”

So to sum it up, I’ll use bullet points for this one so I can be clear….

• Fatties lie to their doctors about how much crap they eat
• Fatties don’t have as active a lifestyle as the thinnies
• It’s because we eat shit food that we are fat
• It’s because we don’t work out 10 times a week that we are fat
• The government think being fat is theeee worst disease on this planet….

I think that about sums it all up, but to go into a little detail here.

Fat people aren’t as active as thinnies?!  Ok this may be true for some part but not all fat people are a bunch of sugar craving, food addicated lazy slobs.  Of course, that’s what everyone thinks we are though.  Isn’t this the reason that people may be a bit hesitant to own up to what they eat?  I mean, say you have one treat a week, one big bad treat a week which we should all very well be entitled too I’d like to point out, your doctor sees that and says nope, cut that out too!  I remember when I visited the doctor about trying to lose weight a couple years ago and he made me write down everything and I did, he didn’t believe me.  I love healthy food, I love fruits and vegetables, red and white meats, salady stuff.  I HATE pastry items, chocolate items (unless it’s cadburys chocolate bars which hubs doesn’t like so we very very very rarely get), I don’t like cakes, don’t really like biscuits or crisps that much but it doesn’t show.  I had my gym receipts to prove I was going to the gym 4 times a week so he couldn’t understand whyyyy I wasn’t losing weight.  He also had me on those fat binding weight loss drugs and appetite suppressants even though I didn’t need them as I don’t eat like a horse.  He was baffled and I think that’s what annoyed him more than anything, he wasn’t smart enough to figure out it might actually be something to do with my genes or someshit rather than eating crappy and not exercising… 

I mean look at this chick  she’s awesome!  She does so much exercise I think she puts to shame every single skinny person I know!  She can’t eat junk or else she wouldn’tbe able to do what she does but she’s still a ‘fat girl on a bike’ you’d think the pounds would just fall of right?  Wrong.  This is the reason fat people get stigmatised the way they do - these so called ’studies’ are nothing more than an excuse to poke at the flab hanging around our jelly middles. 

Fucking scientists…

Ok so I was trying really hard not to post today, I thought feck it, I’m going to have a day off today - I’m going to think nice thoughts all day long and not have to come on here before bed whil the hubs is sleeping and rant but I failed.

I decided to stay up a little bit later tonight and grab a cup of tea and an oatcake before bed - stuck on the telly and there’s this programme called What Not To Wear with Trinny and Susannah, a Brit couple of ladies who are superb fashionistas.  Two girls were on tonight, one thin and one plump.   I say plump cause she was round and stuff, had big boobs but she wasn’t flabby ya know?  Anyhoo…

The two girls dressed anything but feminine.  In particular the plump one.  She was a pretty girl though…And of course, as with all else the programme got my mind thinking and doubting myself.  This girl was pretty and over the course of the show she changed from a frump to like, a buttefly or some shit.  Made me feel so fricking inadquate.  I KNOW these style tips for big tits and big belly girls, I KNOW them like the back of my hand!  But why the feck don’t they work for me?!?!

I go shopping, I come home with NOTHING.  I go through every god damned rack of clothes and I just get so fricking upset and angry.  This doesn’t feel right, this doesn’t look right, thisis for skinny people…Godammit I want some feminine, pretty, expensive clothes and accessories and NOT feel like a fat ass, back end of a bus buying them.  I don’t want to buy yet another t-shirt, another pair of unshaped jeans, another ‘floaty’ top (a top which is baggy but looks a bit better than a black bag!).  I’m sick of it all and it’s my own damned fault.  Other people tell me they look fine, but why can’t I see it?

I own three skirts.  One I could never wear it’s far too short.  The other two I try to wear.  I get as far as down the stairs and at the debating stage as to whether to leave the house in them and I run back up the stairs.   Some days I don’t even look in the mirror before going out in them so I can’t use the excuse I don’t like the look cause I haven’t even looked at them but even catching myself in reflection is enough to drive me back uptairs and change - I’m not supposed to wear a skirt…I have love handles, and big ones at that, I have a flabby middle, a mumm tummy, 10 tonne boobs that stop me from wearing pretty tops, thunder thighs, baby cows for calves, bingo wings (which are flabby upperarms) and don’t even get me started on my blooming double chin.  Or at least that’s the way I see it.

I just wanna be a woman.  A woman who enjoys shopping, enjoys going to buy some earings, not the ype of woman who makes excuses as to why not spend money on clothes and accessories just because I don’t like looking at myself in the mirror.  Where is the fucking god damned confidence when I need it?!  I tell you where it’s gone, it’s gone to some other fecker shopping and left me in the lurch and with a very pissed of mother in law and hubby cause I moan I have nothing to wear when indeed it is my own fricking fault.

Next time I decide to stay up late for a fricking oatcake someone take a gun to my head and tell me to get my fat fucking arse to bed!

Do you ever get days where it all starts out good, things are going fine then something stupid spoils it.  I’m having one of those days and I just can’t wait till tonight when I get some booze down my throat.  Bring on some crazy partying cause right now I need it.  There are days when you just wish you could reset the clock and go back to bed, then re-do the day and not mention or do whatever it is that you’ve done to ruin the day and today my friends I wish I could do just that…